Choosing Faith When Motherhood Feels Out of Reach

By: Toni Crawford 

“You pregnant?”

“When are you going to have a baby?”

“You don’t have a baby because you don’t trust God.”

“You can do IVF.”

“You can adopt.”

These are the questions and responses from people who I believe may mean well. But can I be honest? I am tired of hearing them—tired of the questions, the responses, and the assumptions.

I became so frustrated to the point that I went to my Heavenly Father and asked Him, “God, can You make them stop?” I was already trying my best to keep the faith after getting my fibroids removed, hoping that it would increase my chances of pregnancy. On top of that, I had to have one of my damaged fallopian tubes removed. Then I was told I had ovarian cysts and endometriosis—something I had never even heard of until I was diagnosed.

Now don’t get me wrong—I truly appreciate the concern, especially from those I could tell were genuinely concerned. But the truth is, I was battling with my faith in this area of my life and began questioning God. I remember asking Him:

Am I reaping what I sowed from past sins?

Did I marry the wrong person?

Am I not cut out to be a mom?

Did someone curse me?

I know God can do anything—but I still questioned whether He wanted to do this for my husband and me. God’s Word says, “For I know the plans I have for you” (Jeremiah 29:11). So I wondered… Was this even part of His plan for us?

I also found myself becoming emotional while watching pregnancy announcements on social media. I had dreams about babies, and in one dream I even saw someone I knew pregnant—and it came true. It felt like I couldn’t catch a break. Honestly, it felt like torture.

Can I be honest again? I became especially upset when pregnancy announcements came from unmarried couples. I would think, “Lord, I’m married. I’m trying my best to live holy, and those living in sin are having babies.” I’m being transparent. I didn’t mean this in a judgmental way—I’ve committed sins too—but I was just overwhelmed. Dealing with my health on top of the constant announcements and dreams became too much.

Can you understand my frustration as the reader? It was a lot.

Fast forward to now—I’m still dealing with endometriosis. I’m still trusting and waiting on the Lord to do His big one, if it be His will. But I can honestly say I’m doing better. I don’t get as annoyed as I once did when people ask about when I’ll have a baby. I can watch videos of adorable babies without crying—well, sometimes I still cry if the video is too cute—but I’m no longer crying out of frustration.

I’ve reached a place where I can say, “Lord, if You don’t do this for my husband and me, I’ll still serve You. I’ll still be Your daughter. I’ll still love You.” Because I know God knows best.

Sometimes we question God, but one thing is for sure—the Lord makes no mistakes. The Bible says,

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8–9).

Ever heard the saying, “Accept what God allows”? Easier said than done—but I get it now.

In closing, what has truly been helping me is spending time with Jesus. I pray, I read the Word, and I watch testimonies—when led—of women who once struggled to conceive and are now mothers. I also chose to share this deeply personal moment of transparency because it’s freeing—and because it can help someone else.

You are not alone. I repeat—you are not alone.

The Bible says, “Casting all your cares upon Him; for He careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7). The Lord truly cares about what we go through. This isn’t one of those Scriptures God says just to make us feel better—it’s what we need to hear. God is genuine, and He truly cares, which is why He invites us to cast our cares upon Him.

Lastly, casting our cares isn’t just about venting, praying, or releasing—it’s an act of trust. It’s a way of honoring God and trusting His good and perfect will for our lives.

Amen.