By: Toni Crawford

I recall a few times while growing up when I would look in the mirror at myself. As I stared back, I could see how much my mom and I look alike. But then a thought would cross my mind—my mom didn’t make me on her own. I often wondered, and still do at times: Do I have his eyes? His mouth? His mole? Do I resemble the stranger who never made an appearance once I became older?

Sad to say, that stranger is my father. He remains a mystery. I don’t have any photos of him. No home address. I only know his first and last name, along with a description given to me by my mom and a few family members who actually saw him.

Unfortunately, many people grow up with absent fathers—fathers who go M.I.A. for various reasons. With that being said, here are a few assumptions I’ve made about why my father abandoned me.

1. Maybe he wanted a boy. You’ve probably seen gender reveal videos on TikTok or YouTube where the disappointment is written all over a father’s face when he finds out it’s not a boy. I have.
2. Maybe he wouldn’t have been a good father even if he had been present. God knows. There’s a saying I’ve heard: “Rejection is God’s protection.”

Although I often refer to my father as a stranger—which some may find rude or disrespectful—that isn’t my intention. I use that word simply because I don’t know him. He is unfamiliar to me.

What I can say honestly is that it took me a long time to forgive my father—but I have. I remember one day sitting alone on the couch, crying uncontrollably, when the words “I forgive him” escaped my lips. Forgiving my father was freeing.

The Bible says:

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” — Mark 11:25

In closing, this post isn’t about tearing my father’s character apart. It’s about transparency and choosing mercy—even without an apology. I have no idea what my father was going through when he decided to walk away while I was still a baby. But the Lord—who is full of mercy, grace, compassion, and wisdom—does.

So all I can do, as a Christian, and I repeat, as a Christian, is learn to forgive, pray for him, and trust that if the Lord sees fit, one day the truth will be revealed.

The Bible also says:

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:31–32

Amen.