By: Toni Crawford

Growing up as a believer of the gospel of Jesus Christ, has been challenging and still is. Especially when temptation keeps knocking. I remember hearing about sex often, rather it was from  classmates at School, or while in passing through my neighborhood. I also saw sex advertisement through commercials and my curiosity got the best of me because I started watching porn. Yep, a believer/christian watching porn and I didn’t stop there, when the opportunity presented it self, I started having sex outside of marriage in my early twenties. I wanted to see what the hype was about and not to mention, battling with self esteem issues at the time, I wanted to feel sexy, beautiful and wanted.

 I knew sex before marriage was wrong. My mom had me in Church since I was a baby. However, as I was getting older, I started catering to what I wanted to do, even if it meant sinning. If I’m honest, I wish I never had sex outside of marriage.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God….” -1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18-20

“Therefore my judgment is that we should not trouble those of the Gentiles who turn to God, but should write to them to abstain from the things polluted by idols, and from sexual immorality….” -Acts 15:19-20

I recall sharing my testimony while ministering and I will never forget these words I said, Having sex outside of marriage, made me feel like, I was cheating on God. I know what you’re probably thinking, how did sex outside of marriage make you feel like you were cheating on God? Well, I was in a relationship with God. I gave my life to the Lord and I was doing opposite of what His holy scriptures says do. I was doing what made me feel good rather than what was for my good. I was being unfaithful in my walk with God. 

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. -Romans 12:1

Sex is such a beautiful thing and it was designed by God to enjoy within marriage. There are so many reasons why God wants us to wait until we get married. For example, Sex can cloud your judgement; you could be having sex with someone that’s not a good match for you. The person may be manipulative, a cheater, abuser, narcissistic and etc, but because they make you feel good sexually, you try to hold on to that person longer than you have to.  That’s a unhealthy relationship and not what God wants for you. I know love may sometimes play a factor of not letting go either but even love isn’t enough, if God says to let go of that person. God knows best. Another example, of why sex outside of marriage is not good, is because you may not end up with the person. I know some may say, well, there’s plenty fish in the sea, and etc, but there are some people who don’t take rejection well and it affects them so much so, that they begin to have a negative outlook on relationships/marriage. I’m sure you heard these statements, all men are dogs or all women are easy. These statements aren’t true but it came from someone who had either had a bad relationship experience, witness or heard others bad relationship experiences. Clearly, anyone who makes these statements are speaking from a place of hurt. God wants to protect you from that type of hurt.

In closing, if you’re reading this and you’re having sex outside outside of marriage, and you want to stop, I want to encourage you that you can. God will help. the word of God says, ” I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me. -Philippians 4:13  This scripture let’s us know we can do all things with Christ help. Please believe in this scripture and recite it often if you have to while looking yourself in the mirror or post it on the wall in your home. Hold on to this scripture. The word of God also says,  ^“Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, -James 2:14 which means we have to put in work and faith isn’t enough. So, my brother or Sister, you may have to do things differently to abstain from sex. For instances, spending the night with your boyfriend/girlfriend may not be a good idea, hanging out late may not be a good idea, watching porn, sexting, talking about sex and etc. Know what triggers you to have sex and work on staying away from those triggers and I encourage you to pray, read the word of God and other books that can help you.  You can overcome sex outside of marriage. You’re not alone. I’ve been there. May God be with you and give you the strength and power to wait. You are worthy of the wait. Amen!